I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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