It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
