I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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