dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
