Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
