It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Shame is for Republicans.
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