And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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