Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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