I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
