I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
