What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
