He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
