Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
