Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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