apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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