This is not my ceiling
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
