every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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