I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Couch. On fire.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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