I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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