She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
50% drunk capacity currently
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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