At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
