you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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