he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
