I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
