I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
