I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
