he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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