I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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