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I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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