An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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