and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
