I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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