I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
