Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
