I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
