they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
