You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize