your parents love me but you hate me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
