i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
