No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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