If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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