He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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