you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
