Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
