We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
