So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
