I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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