so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
