She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
