Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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