hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
