need another drink. this is the easiest way
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
