She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
