I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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