You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
