You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
