So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
