My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize