Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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