You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
