operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
