she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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