Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
